Life up until this point...

It's fair to say that I didn't love my wife in the way that a husband should.

We'd been married for 11 years and the last 4 had been an uphill struggle. I just didn't want to be there. Ever had that feeling at a wedding or a company Christmas party where you 'had to show your face'? That's what my marriage was for me. Everyday, I woke up, showed my face, went to work (for as long as I could), came home, 'showed my face', had dinner, grunted a few words about my day and pretended to care - not very well as it turns out - about her day, played with the girls, they went to bed, I started work again, she went to bed, I stayed up and watched TV, fell asleep on the couch, went to bed at 4am, got up at 7am. Repeat this every day for the next 1460 days and you'll get the point.

I missed out the 'sex' part. That's because there was no 'sex' part. Unless you're counting the sex I had with myself. Great sex, that. Guaranteed never to get turned away and no need to exchange pleasantries or make up stuff you don't believe such as 'I love you'. The fact of the matter is that for the last two years of our marriage there was no sex and that, as they say, is an excellent barometer to the health of a relationship. The other reason why my sexless marriage had no effect was because I was having sex with someone else.

Spare me the shock and the head shaking in disapproval. I was having sex with a woman I worked with on a regular basis and it was fantastic. She is beautiful, sexy, smart, intelligent, adoring, the list could go on. She never complained about the time I got in from work, never bitched about what needed to be done this weekend, never complained that I left my underwear on the floor - jeez, she wanted my underwear on the floor, that way it wasn't on me!

Could my life have been more perfect? I had this young, sexy, amazing girl on the side and a wife to take care of my children and make sure that the house was taken care of. I look back at this, especially as I write this, and think to myself, is it possible that I could have been more of an asshole? The answer is, probably not.