When enough is enough

I think we all reach a point where we think enough is enough. Doesn't matter what it is.

For me, I had had enough of the lies in my life. I had had enough of being unhappy. I woke up one day and couldn't see what life held for me 10 years from now because I knew I could not handle what was going on. I knew for a fact that something would have to give. There's no way that the status quo can be maintained (and remain sane). I have had many friends divorce and in our conversations I have always assured them that whatever they are feeling right now will pass. In 5 years they will be in a different place and most assuredly be happier than they are now. With that in mind, somewhere between now and then there will be a point where it becomes all worthwhile and you're happy again. It could be next month, it could be next year, but as sure as the sun rises and sets, one day they'll be happy. It helps you keep the faith.

Why can we never follow our own advice?

Then one day i came home and my wife gave me an envelope. It contained a filing for divorce. I read the contents and it cited adultery as the reason for the divorce. She knew.

I hadn't told her about the affair, I didn't think she knew, but I guess women always know. She had decided enough was enough many months before and in the process of silently and secretly preparing for the divorce with her lawyers she had uncovered some financial information that proved that all was not as it should be in the fidelity department. She had me followed and got the evidence and that was all she needed. The divorce was going to happen regardless of whether she discovered anything or not but it played beautifully for her knowing that I had cheated. No emotion, no tears, no anger. She was cold and calculated in her delivery and her planning was meticulous.

She asked if it was love or just about the sex. Now there's a question! What do you say? In an attempt to repair the marriage do you say it was just meaningless sex or do you confess your sins and sin no more and tell the truth. It was love. It was the desire to give love and the need to be loved. And the sex, well that was great. Best ever.

Over the next month or so, any and every attempt to reconcile was met with a brick wall. She wanted out and there was no turning back. Enter the lawyers.

There seem to be two phases in a divorce: pre and post lawyer. We were having somewhat reasonable conversations but all geared around the ultimate goal of her wanting me out of the house and the end of the marriage as quickly as possible. Perhaps I should re-phrase that: As quickly as possibly but not too quickly if it meant compromising how much money she would walk away with. Within days of the lawyers getting involved it became a war. She wouldn't speak to me, every statement she ever made usually contained the words, "You'll have to have your lawyer send that to mine", or "I'll speak to my lawyer and see what he says", or "I can't comment on that based on the advice I have received from my lawyer". Overnight, this woman had become a recorded message of late night TV detective show cliches. No longer able to think for herself, or wanting to think for herself, she sub-contracted motherhood to her lawyer.

With a temporary court order in place which effectively relegated my role as a father to more like a babysitter, she was given the perfect stick with which to beat me. There's always a right time and a right place for anger, retaliation, and retribution. She paced herself and waited until the law gave her permission.