I thought the going rate for a babysitter was around $8-$10 an hour.
It turns out that there is a ready supply of free babysitters. They're older, more mature, sometimes more responsible, hardly likely to bring a date around, burn the place the down, or eat you out of house and home. Neither are they likely to run up a phone bill. They're also called 'Fathers'.
I find it amazing that it's always in the 'best interests of the children' to have the father watch the kids when she wants to do something and always 'not in the best interests of the kids' (disruptive to schedule, something already planned, etc.) when I want to see the girls.
Friday, October 12, 2007
Monday, October 8, 2007
Religion - That Old Chesnut
My ex comes from a fairly strict catholic background. Which effectively means that her family demonstrates to the entire world that they're great Christians and then, while nobody's looking, do the exact opposite of what you'd expect of people following Christian principles. Oh, sure, they give a good amount of money to the church, they even make sizable donations to various church-led charities, and their names appear on the various lists that the church puts out to show who's giving what. What great catholics they are; what great Christians. Of course, my ex mother-in-law can screw her husband's best friend behind his back but as long as she donates and goes to confession it'll wipe the slate clean.
To lay it out there, I do not believe in God. I also believe that organized religion is a terrible institution that is primarily geared to put the fear of hell (literally and metaphorically) into people to get them to do, en masse, exactly what the church wants them to. This had it's place thousands of years ago when the church was effectively the government and the ideas behind republics, democracies, and elected parliaments were just beginning to take shape. But not today.
Anyway, before I get off on too much of a tangent, I was reading a book. It's called "God is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens. It's a fabulous book and the girls saw me reading it. Naturally inquisitive, they asked me what is was all about. So, I told them.
My ex insists that the girls go to catholic religion classes once a week after school. She also sent them, without my knowledge, to a week long camp that was put on by the catholic church. Suffice to say, the brainwashing is fully operational.
My 8 year old is very smart. Both the girls are smart, but because the eldest is 2 years older she's at a point where she can apply more reason to what she hears. She asks some great questions and concludes that there is no such thing as God either. I warn her that this is just my opinion and the opinion of the writer of the book. What she needs to do is to always keep an open mind and inquire for herself. I must admit, when she said that she was going to go to her next religion class and tell the teacher that there was no God a shiver ran down my spine and could only imagine what would happen the day after that conversation took place.
The scary part of all this was my 6 year old. She said there absolutely was a God and he's in all of us. She said that she had proof because when she was at the camp she was afraid of jumping in the 5' end but the teacher told her God would help her float so if she believed then she would float. She jumped in, floated, and now believes that God did this. Another miracle.
Here's the deal - my 6 year old can swim about 5 feet before she runs out of steam and starts to go under. She's less than 4' tall. And now she thinks that God is a flotation device. How completely fucked up can these people get? I'll go along with the classes and offset what they say with my own input so they can make their own mind up but when it comes to telling them complete bullshit that could effectively put their lives at risk I have to draw a line.
To lay it out there, I do not believe in God. I also believe that organized religion is a terrible institution that is primarily geared to put the fear of hell (literally and metaphorically) into people to get them to do, en masse, exactly what the church wants them to. This had it's place thousands of years ago when the church was effectively the government and the ideas behind republics, democracies, and elected parliaments were just beginning to take shape. But not today.
Anyway, before I get off on too much of a tangent, I was reading a book. It's called "God is not Great" by Christopher Hitchens. It's a fabulous book and the girls saw me reading it. Naturally inquisitive, they asked me what is was all about. So, I told them.
My ex insists that the girls go to catholic religion classes once a week after school. She also sent them, without my knowledge, to a week long camp that was put on by the catholic church. Suffice to say, the brainwashing is fully operational.
My 8 year old is very smart. Both the girls are smart, but because the eldest is 2 years older she's at a point where she can apply more reason to what she hears. She asks some great questions and concludes that there is no such thing as God either. I warn her that this is just my opinion and the opinion of the writer of the book. What she needs to do is to always keep an open mind and inquire for herself. I must admit, when she said that she was going to go to her next religion class and tell the teacher that there was no God a shiver ran down my spine and could only imagine what would happen the day after that conversation took place.
The scary part of all this was my 6 year old. She said there absolutely was a God and he's in all of us. She said that she had proof because when she was at the camp she was afraid of jumping in the 5' end but the teacher told her God would help her float so if she believed then she would float. She jumped in, floated, and now believes that God did this. Another miracle.
Here's the deal - my 6 year old can swim about 5 feet before she runs out of steam and starts to go under. She's less than 4' tall. And now she thinks that God is a flotation device. How completely fucked up can these people get? I'll go along with the classes and offset what they say with my own input so they can make their own mind up but when it comes to telling them complete bullshit that could effectively put their lives at risk I have to draw a line.
The New Boyfriend
Well it had to happen eventually.. the new boyfriend shows up.
The girls talked about 'mom's boyfriend' this weekend. After receiving a truly awful email and an accompanying ear bashing from the ex about my girlfriend I was astonished at the hypocrisy. Ex was caught out red handed and with it firmly stuck in the cookie jar.
I told the ex that the girls had mentioned that she had a boyfriend, let's call him "The guy that is soon going to find out exactly how much this woman costs to keep alive and better make sure he's prepared to pay the price" or "Mr. X" for short. She said it was none of my business, but she has a 'friend' and the girls have met him in a 'work environment'. Then I said that I knew about this because my daughter told me that she discovered he and her at 1am in the morning in a room in the house supposedly away from little prying eyes. Ahhh... Ex turns a slight shade of red. Then she offers the explanation that they were just 'friends' and were 'talking'. So, 'just friends' come round at 1am and 'just talk' in a room that my daughter can peer into and see an activity that is obviously not talking. Ahhh... Ex gets redder. "Okay", say she. He is my boyfriend and maybe I should tell the girls.
Well how about you tell me!!
It's absolutely to be expected that new people will come into our lives. Thank God they do because we both deserve to be happy. Life is way too short to be miserable. But, always use the same yardstick to react to that other person and always treat the ex in exactly the same way as one would expect to be treated.
The girls talked about 'mom's boyfriend' this weekend. After receiving a truly awful email and an accompanying ear bashing from the ex about my girlfriend I was astonished at the hypocrisy. Ex was caught out red handed and with it firmly stuck in the cookie jar.
I told the ex that the girls had mentioned that she had a boyfriend, let's call him "The guy that is soon going to find out exactly how much this woman costs to keep alive and better make sure he's prepared to pay the price" or "Mr. X" for short. She said it was none of my business, but she has a 'friend' and the girls have met him in a 'work environment'. Then I said that I knew about this because my daughter told me that she discovered he and her at 1am in the morning in a room in the house supposedly away from little prying eyes. Ahhh... Ex turns a slight shade of red. Then she offers the explanation that they were just 'friends' and were 'talking'. So, 'just friends' come round at 1am and 'just talk' in a room that my daughter can peer into and see an activity that is obviously not talking. Ahhh... Ex gets redder. "Okay", say she. He is my boyfriend and maybe I should tell the girls.
Well how about you tell me!!
It's absolutely to be expected that new people will come into our lives. Thank God they do because we both deserve to be happy. Life is way too short to be miserable. But, always use the same yardstick to react to that other person and always treat the ex in exactly the same way as one would expect to be treated.
Monday, October 1, 2007
The Anger Mirror
Anger towards another person is so very often anger that we have with ourselves but just directed at another so that we can make sense of it all.
I'm convinced that most of the anger and bitterness that my ex has towards me is really just anger with herself. She and I spent years in a loveless relationship and the only thing keeping her in it, in my opinion, was that the timing wasn't right. She stayed in with the view that she could get out when the kids started school and she could go get a job. The job she thought she'd take is very different from the one she ended up with. In other words, she actually has to go to work with this one.
She ended up with much less than she thought she was going to get. She must have been fuming on the day that she found out just exactly how much it would be that she'd be leaving the marriage with. Suffice to say, she surely thought that sticking in it didn't pay off.
I feel really sorry for her occasionally. Here's a woman that effectively prostituted herself (except there was no sex involved) so that she could time it right, get out, take a boat load of cash, and then get a cushy job to fill in the gaps. It didn't work out for her so she must be looking at me as the John that ran out on her.
She looks through the anger mirror, it's one way, and hopefully one day her reflection will bounce back and hit her in the face. Maybe at that time she'll stop blaming me and being angry with me for her decision to hang on in there.
I'm convinced that most of the anger and bitterness that my ex has towards me is really just anger with herself. She and I spent years in a loveless relationship and the only thing keeping her in it, in my opinion, was that the timing wasn't right. She stayed in with the view that she could get out when the kids started school and she could go get a job. The job she thought she'd take is very different from the one she ended up with. In other words, she actually has to go to work with this one.
She ended up with much less than she thought she was going to get. She must have been fuming on the day that she found out just exactly how much it would be that she'd be leaving the marriage with. Suffice to say, she surely thought that sticking in it didn't pay off.
I feel really sorry for her occasionally. Here's a woman that effectively prostituted herself (except there was no sex involved) so that she could time it right, get out, take a boat load of cash, and then get a cushy job to fill in the gaps. It didn't work out for her so she must be looking at me as the John that ran out on her.
She looks through the anger mirror, it's one way, and hopefully one day her reflection will bounce back and hit her in the face. Maybe at that time she'll stop blaming me and being angry with me for her decision to hang on in there.
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